Space L Clottey

You don’t regenerate — ever

Stay safe, stay alert, and whatever you do, don’t die — because if you die outside your own game, you don’t regenerate — EVER.

Inevitable Consciousness Fallacy

I used to follow a flawed pattern of reasoning:

I am conscious and aware ->

If I was not conscious I would not be conscious of that fact ->

Thus the default state of the universe is me being aware of my existence

And this lead me to not take death very seriously. After all, if I died, it’s inevitable I’d be back. I kind of assumed I’d manifest in something else. A weak form of Buddhist reincarnation, I guess.

I’ve implicitly held this belief for ever.

But then I saw a video of a brain.

Mushy Brain

This is a video of a person holding a brain. A human brain.

See that mushy lump of meat we don’t have much emotional attachment towards?

That’s a person.

That was a thing like you that was conscious and had hopes and dreams and wants and regrets and so many experiences and SO MANY THOUGHTS for time it was alive.

And then, something went wrong, and something bad happened to the part of it that made it aware of itself.

So it’s there, indistinguishable from a slab of meat or a rock. Just another piece of matter in the universe.

In your skull, there’s a chunk of meat, and that meat is you.

We call them ‘our’ brains, almost as if we see our identities as little homunculi.

But nope. Our brains are us.

Stand very still. Try not to feel anything. I want you to close your eyes for 10 seconds.

Back?

So you didn’t see, right? You had no visual information coming in. You were still there.

You didn’t move too much. You had very little sensory information coming in from the touch-sensors all over your body. You were still there.

I can extract your eyes and you will still be there. I can snatch your body and you will still be there.

But the second I do something to your brain.. maybe carve out a chunk, or make a little dent…

Can you even imagine what that’d feel like? What something like that would do to your sense of identity?

We know from the phenomenon of dreaming that our brains can manifest reality to be whatever it wants, and we will believe it.

The point is: our brains are us. We’re not separate from them, we’re not little homunculi. Fuck up your brain and you’re gone — and you don’t regenerate. Your a rock who’s configuration was so complex it became aware it was a rock.

Tragedy of Lives Lost

Now that I see human beings as extremely meaty unique brain configurations, I understand how much of a tragedy death is. Because once you die — once something happens to your brain — you’re gone, and you don’t regenerate — ever.

Each human being is just a special combination of neurons, which have a whole bunch of sensory experiences, and then rot, and they don’t regenerate.

Imagine all the millions of soldiers who lost their entire selves during all the wars? All the oppressed who had their one shot of existence snatched!

Their brain configurations aren’t coming back!!!

I’m really not sure how much of this is just me. I feel like I’ve just understood, properly and finally, that death is permeant. Does this resonate with you? If your heart didn’t already grasp this, does it now? Is it dropping like a stone at the realisation of the finality of it all?

Suicide

And with this I also finally understand why suicide is like actually properly bad and people don’t want you to do it. If you screw over your brain by murdering it, it doesn’t regenerate in another time, or another person, or universe, or realm.

You screw over the highly specific configuration of muscle tissue that was so perfectly, specifically configurated as to make you aware of your existence…

… and it doesn’t regenerate.

You don’t come back in five years, or ten, or twenty, or a million or a trillion. This isn’t pressing a fast-forward button.

You don’t get the satisfaction of haunting over those who screwed you in voice recordings or as a phantom, or through memory.

You’re GONE.

GONE.

AND NEVER FUCKING COMING BACK FOR ALL OF THE REST OF TIME.

Your universe is deleted! Erased! Not moved into the recycling bin, but straight up annihilated for ever.

And there’s no relief in death, no escape, because those things require you being there!

Body Swap Homunculus

One day people will look at your body and something wrong will’ve happened in your brain and there will be no you left.

Look around you. Isn’t it gorgeous? Isn’t ever tiny detail bitter sweet, knowing a time will come when you’ll never be able to experience it ever again? Like Einstein, or Newton, or Siddhartha, or Michael Jackson, or Marcus Aurelius, or Hitler or the millions he killed, or Walt Disney, or Stephen Hawking, Yeduha Yudkowsky, or Plato, or the 30,000 people across the globe who died in the time it took to read this post.

They are decidedly not alive. They do not “live on” in our memory, and this obfuscation of true life and fake life distorts our thoughts. To be alive is to be aware. A fragment of thought is not the same as life.

This is life. What you have now. Your awareness and your thoughts and your ability to experience.

That is all.


Space L Clottey